Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
