feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He shit in the fireplace
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
