I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
