Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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