His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
