Betty ford says i'm here all night
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
