she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found puke in my bra..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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