im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
