Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
