We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Is it penis luge time yet?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
