I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
