I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
