guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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