i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
