life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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