Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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