he referred to my room as the tit cave...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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