We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
