You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
