so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
