Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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