So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
