im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
