Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
