he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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