My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
