Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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