Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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