don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
