She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
