we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
