They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
