i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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