Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
