RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
