You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
