The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
