I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
