YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
