Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Houston, we have a blender
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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