Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
