Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
