Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We are all done wearing pants today
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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