Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
