when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Your mouth is God's brothel.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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