I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
