I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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