Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
