I think i peed on brittanys purse
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
