My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
