last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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