no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
