Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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