I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
